People say to me, "Bron, what is this Dom thing? How do I become a Dom?" I consider them carefully with my steely blue eyes and sharp jaw line for a moment before saying, "I could tell you, but I'd have to dom you."

There are as many varieties of D/s relationships as there are relationships of any nature. It's a chemistry of two people, which means it can't be replicated twice, and this is true of any relationship. If the two people(or however many people there are) think it's a D/s relationship, it is just that.

That said, while it's not cool to judge, if one throws their stuff out in public view, people will express an opinion. Every relationship is like Fight Club, with similar rules. The first rule, everybody knows. The second rule is, if you're in a relationship, you will relate. Some D/s relationships are silly shit where people dress up like pirates and get spanked with feather dusters. Whatever makes Roger jolly and all that stuff. Some relationships border on true abuse, where safe words are needed before someone ends up in the emergency room.

The one consistent feature of a D/s relationship maybe the least understood. The relationship exists because the sub wants it to. If at any point, he/she/pyl says "No", it stops. Any Dom who goes beyond that point has crossed into the sadist side of sadomasochism. This means the true power in the relationship is held by the sub, because it was created by their consent and it can be dissolved by withdrawing it.

 

PANTY DROP

 

Its all freedom of choice, 50 shades popularised the idea but its far from black and white.
Many doms are bluster,bravado and demanding but in my opinion its more about fascilitating ways to pleasure the submissive than using them to get off.I hate the ideal sub/dom role plaguing tv screens in that a mousey woman obeys all commands and gets used but does not get off.
For me the whole idea is a give and take (romance) fuelled exchange.
She gets off obeying he gets off controlling or pushing her limits

 

From my experience being a Dom @Bron Zeage and @dirtyjedi posted the perfect recipes for making the best and most pleasurable experience for new Dom and sub relationships.

 

"The relationship exists because the sub wants it to. If at any point, he/she/pyl says "No", it stops. Any Dom who goes beyond that point has crossed into the sadist side of sadomasochism."

I like what you had said about the D/s lifestyle but personally @Bron Zeage with regard to an individual that crosses the "No" line is not a Sadist but an abuser and has no respect or regards for their sub nor their relationship and is unhealthy and put in harm's way. There are many good Sadistic Doms within the community's that respect their subs/slaves rights, limitations and boundaries they have negotiated and agreed upon before entering/agreeing to such a lifestyle.

 

A sadist is a person who derives pleasure from the pain or anguish of another person. It's always nice when a sadist is paired with a masochist, but it's not necessary for the sadist. While some aspects may appear to be like a D/s relationship, the person under the power of a sadist has no control and that is the difference.

 

IMHO I think you may be confusing a Sadist (in which I agree obviously derives pleasure from pain) with a Master/slave. Where the slave has given up all rights or "power" to their Master/ess. A sub is always in control they have the say during the negotiations what rights/limits they wish to bestow to their "Dom". But even a sub/slave has the choice stay or leave at any point in time if they so desire. They have the choice and say what happens to them. Anything else is abusive and against their will. Sadist or not. Which is not what the D/s and BDSM community about. Sadists can enjoy giving pain within a well established consensual relationship. Or am I missing something?

 

Anyone can choose their label, whether it is well applied, or not.

"Sadist" was and maybe still be a clinical diagnosis of a mental disorder. This is a case where the actions maybe identical to other relationships, but is distinguished by the motivations. A sadist may find a willing victim, but the victim's consent is of no consequence. The sadist does not care. As in all things human, there is a range of behaviors. There are plenty of sadists who have a clear idea of the legal consequences of their actions and keep it just inside the line, while at the other extreme, there are sadists who find their excitement in slow and excruciating torture, leading to death.

 

Is it considered sadistic to up and take a hiatus on a forum you have an online Dom/Sub relationship on?

 

No that's called ghosting if they didn't 1st inform you they where

 

Lol I have not. Never even heard of it. But it sounds like a real treat for some.

 

Why are y’all combining sadism with dominance?

Tops do their thing out of either service or sadistic tendencies, whether they want to admit them or not. Using any implement to cause pain and enjoying that function - whether it’s because you are rewarded by giving either pain or pleasure to the bottom or because the giving of pain fires synapses - is all the same bucket. Dress it up how you wish, it’s topping.

Being a top does not a dominant make. Most tops couldn’t Dom DeLuise.

Dominance and submission, in their narrow definitions, are asexual. I know people in absolutely beautiful D/s relationships that don’t fuck at all.

Indulging in impact play or bondage or rope or any of the other stuff doesn’t qualify as D/s on its own. It’s often incorporated into D/s relationships, absolutely, but wielding a flogger does not a dominant make.

Btw, @echonov, ignoring or suspension of attention is often a punishment tactic employed by online doms. In my opinion, it’s childish, ineffective, and plainly shows their ignorance and lack of experience, but fucked if I’d ever be in a purely online thing at all, so maybe it’s an effective tool in those situations, I’m not in a position to say.

It seems to me to be utterly counterintuitive to the roots of D/s; the D is there to provide stability, to protect the s and provide a healthy environment in which the s can thrive. How an abandoned s can thrive is utterly beyond me. I’d be interested in hearing the thinking/rationalization of a D to explain it.