Imagine a world where if you take the most romantically inclined making love to the most self absorbed, selfish sexual needs and that was one of our first discussions before or shortly after having sex for the first time. We may know a lot but we practice sex like a blind man or woman in a dark room, feeling our way though looking for cues and hoping we're on to something?

You know she doesn't like to be touched on the twat faster than you can touch her tits (and I've experienced the exact opposite) that knowing what I like you just ask? "I'm an open book, what chapter should I read from?" Somehow though mentioning B&D or anal too early meets with varying responses with some very hostile, but had I initiated either in a gaunty moment of creativity it could be viewed as a violation or a gift?

Most women I've been with (unless they asked) would realize that after a short period of sucking my cock I start going down and that it's nothing personal! It's a short taste of what I want and if you'd ask "I'd eat you or want to fuck you" because of your pleasing me shortly rather then making it a main course. Some have been slightly offended by my body's reaction and few believed or could handle the truth why? Because to your average guy is satisfied for a cock sucked or beat off that it beats nothing and I just don't agree!

In a world where I could break it down to "just lust" if a woman wanted to know and asked me honestly where our sex life was going from day one I'd tell her, "I'll try anything once, twice or more if I like it!"

 

No.......

 

before hubs and i got married and i was dating if a guy asked me out and said just to be friendly it meant i want to get into your pants as soon as i can. so probably not but hubs told me he was going to fuck me even before i got in his car to go to dinner. so i guess he was honest about hin intentions. i just wonder what dad would have said if he had been there.

 

I have a FWB. Have for years. To this day, she will not tell me what she wants or likes. And it has been a learning experience. He wants and desires seem to change, too, which frustrates me. She NEVER has initiated sex. I know she likes it. She likes her nipples sucked and her pussy licked and sucked. She always resists. It always a "game" for me to find out if she is serious or not. More times than not, she will not let me do anything, but those times when we have had a good sexfilled time, she resisted me initially, sometimes insistantly so.

 

Sexual compatibility is just as important as personality compatibility, but people think sex is less important and it's that thing that men are only after. Both of these are causes for relationships ending...so why not make sure BOTH are there, instead of just one??

My ex wife, didn't know what she liked, never masturbated, but was willing to do anything to keep me happy. Over time, it wasn't enough. She did things only because I liked it. She wouldn't really communicate her desires or even what felt good. We were together 12 years.

I dated for 5 years after a split. Every woman I talked with ( online dating ) I brought up sex after our conversations got relaxed. I would say 75% simply didn't want to talk about it, but rather leave that for later. I explained why I talk about it so soon, those 75% just thought I was only looking for sex..no matter how I put it and the talking slowed down very quickly.

The 25% who did keep talking, realized what I was really doing. It wasn't about JUST sex, it was about MORE compatibility...an important compatibility. For other reasons not associated with sex, dating didn't go far. One of the last girls I dated...thought the whole golden shower thing that I'm into...was gross and no way would she like it, BUT after our conversation about our kinks and how different we were and how that was great, she decided to give it a shot just for the hell of it. We did it..and she turned 180 within minutes. I turned her on to it big time, without the intent to. We dated a bit longer but she got way to attached way to quickly...so it ended.

My current gf now, had heard all of thisbecause we worked together for years and we talked very openly and explicitly. I had no idea she was into me at all from the beginning. 4 years after we met, we start messing around and it's been 3 great years together.

The fact that we were all open to each other..about likes and dislikes...kinks..things we wanted to try and the willingness to do a few things to please the other, that we weren't quite keen on ( her wanting me to choke her), has made our sex life amazing. Because we talk, even during sex, we've never had sex were we BOTH didn't orgasm. Even if one was finished or tired afterwards, we still get the other person THERE by any other means.

Out relationship is great..we don't argue, we don't yell at each other..we just disagree. I wish this kind of open communication for everybody.

On a side note, even though my exwife didn't communicate her sex m sexual desires....we also had very good marriage...no arguing or yelling either. I fucked it up, by resisting my bi side for a decade and it got me in trouble. Didn't make that mistake again...gf knows and loves that I'm bi...as is she.

 

I nearly said yes, I already live in that world but reading your descriptive changes things slightly for me. I have to establish a certain amount of trust in a person before I blab out all my capable and culpable sins.

 

To some people sex is a very important part of their life. It may be the most important thing in their life. Sex is more like a sport.
Not all people are that way. To some people sex is not very important. Some do not want or need sex to have a happy life. Sex is not something you do casually.
These two types of people can change from one example to the other at any time.
No one can force one type person to change to the other type. They may change the person with time but not by using force.
Many times people do not take the time to learn which type the other person really is.

 

Complex sex involving kink, power exchange and BDSM is impossible without honesty and as Hussie inferred trust must be established!

Thinskin

 

And those people stay in those relationships, because they'd rather be not entirely happy...than be alone

 

Better to be alone than tied in many ways to someone you detest. At least you don't have to listen to the constant bitching. Been good not having to fake listening.

 

I can relate to a lot of what you say my wife as well is not open to personal exploration and it's shown as a reflection of her sexually maturity that unfortunately was manipulated at a young age by her mother. Talking to her about sex in a personal way has been very hard for her and I for over 31 years and chose a traditional virgin, but in my defense I did assume everything would mature in time (I was partially right.) As for your comments (and others) that about 75% assume by talking straight forward about sex it was the only thing you had in mind just goes to show how immature a society we still are in that we'll talk endlessly for hours on love and to every end in which it leads! But as I said many will still blindly walk into and through sexual situations and then wonder what went wrong when it all goes to hell, ironic?

 

I truly believe in laying the groundwork for trust, but it seems almost antithetical that we "fall into love" and navigate carefully our sexual needs considering the damage that both can cause?

 

What if they only want to discuss what there needs are. And the other parties needs and cravings and the things they have said over and over that they was into or wasn't into never matters.

 

Then find yourself another partner. Breaking up with someone over sexual incompatibility shouldn't be a bad thing. People break up over much more idiotic reasons.

 

The type of connection we made when we locked eyes, most in the blue will never be able to get it, because they are only driven by lust. And I don't see it being brainwashed away that easy. Too strong a connection was made for it to be broken by anyone with so much weakness. Love is always a stronger force than Lust.​

 

Look at there life as in the big picture, Do you see any love from them. Do they love themselves? Do they love there kids?
Do they love there family?
Do they love there pets? Or did they remove everything that requires love from there life. If so they are not capable of Loving you. They just want to win you as a prize, like a toy at carnival.

 

Within a true marriage, basic sexual discourse is complicated in that the love is still solely intact?

 

O.K. so let me play this out for you? In the beginning of the aspiration/infatuated state many possibilities present themselves for sexual exploration without boundaries? Anal to Young Age Play..........then without so much as a sign, sex is relinquished to an activity that fulfil an obligation! Losing sight of the goal of satisfying both of us as lovers, to an act of complacency!

 

If you have 10min to spare..Watch this video. I saved this video years ago..and when things get hectic, I rewatch it.

I apply his way of thinking to my everyday interactions with people and my personal life. This is what ( in my experience and what I see daily dealing with customers) most people lack. Simple awareness of what's going on around them.